Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
