he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
