Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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