So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
