What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
