the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize