And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
