Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
