u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
