dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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