My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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