Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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