Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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