she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.