he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
