Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
