U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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