we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
