i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
