its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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