So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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