In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
