I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
