What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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