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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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