gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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