Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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