They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
