This girl is more easily done than said...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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