yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
