Screwed.edu
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
