I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
