I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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