Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
