playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
