Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was born a porn star she said
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
