"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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