Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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