everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
