There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
