Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
