Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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