so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
