are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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