I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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