Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
