i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
