Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
