This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
