i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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