The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My bed smells like the plague
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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