We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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