does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
