I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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