I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
