you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I look better un-naked...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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