So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
