i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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