She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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