yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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