when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major