I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.