can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
