I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.