turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
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