Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
