thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
