It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
