Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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