this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
