Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
