FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
