dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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