my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
