are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.