If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
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I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao