All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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